Dances with Wolves – DivX Version (Normal Quality), DVD (Good Quality), PDA Version, Full HD:1080p (Best Quality)
17. November 2009
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IMDB rating: 7.80 Plot: Lt. John Dunbar is dubbed a hero after he accidentally leads Union troops to a victory during the Civil War. He requests a position on the western frontier, but finds it deserted. He soon finds out he is not alone, but meets a wolf he dubs “Two-socks” and a curious Indian tribe. Dunbar quickly makes friends with the tribe, and discovers a white woman who was raised by the Indians. He gradually earns the respect of these native people, and sheds his white-man’s ways. |
Available versions:
DivX Version (Normal Quality), DVD (Good Quality), PDA Version, Full HD:1080p (Best Quality)
Actors: Chaykin Maury,Greene Graham,Grant Rodney A.,Pastorelli Robert,Westerman Floyd ‘Red Crow’,Costner Kevin,Lee Chasing His Horse Nathan,Spears Michael,Lone Hill Jason R.,Pierce Tony,Rocket Charles,Herman Jimmy,Drama,Western,Adventure,
What do you think of my story so far?
Sly silhouettes crept in the shadow; the last light of day casting an obscured shadow of the flat surface of a rock. One of the animals lifted her nose and took a sniff at the air, her sigh sending a cloud of smoky mist up towards he sky.
"We should go back now," The wolf’s whisper danced on the breeze and another swirl of white mist escaped from her mouth. The other wolf nodded and both shadows slunk back into the trees.
The blanket of snow crunched under-paw and flakes of white drifted down from the branches of the canopy above. A clump of snow fell on the wolf’s red muzzle. She shivered and shook it off; sending it elegantly and gracefully to the ground. The other wolf had a coat the colour of the night’s sky; he padded down a small slope and waited for the female to follow. She slid down and skidded to a halt in front of a leafless shrub. Her paws uncovered the fallen leaves that were once green and glossy but now withered and covered under a carpet of snow, just as the time goes by the seasons change… leaves drop from the trees and others take their place. It was beautiful to the wolf; watching the sun go down was the most stunning sight that she wouldn’t miss for the world.
Right, ive got more… lots more but this is taking too long- so i just wanted to get some feedback from someone. You dont have to have experience because after all the reader might not always be a writer. 
im 14! whoo! please tell me how to make it better- i might aswell tell you the story-line: Glistka (thats the red wolf) and her family find there’s a monster in the woods where they live so they move to this big clearing. One night Glistka goes out after having a fight with her sister and gets lost in a storm. She cant run home because the snow’s too think. So she calls for help, after her howl she sees the monster in front of her! *gasp* and it runs for her! then shes saved by a brown wolf named Bramben. But she doesnt appreciate it much since he hurt her pulling her out of teh way and she also doesnt like him because she thinks hes bein intrusive when he says her pack should get away from the clearing. bla bla bla. She the gets an ominous message from a ghost wolf of her impending death-but she cant figure out what it means. The plot builds- she makes friends with Bramben and soon finds out his father is Ulric (the wolf that terrifies cub’s nightmares) Ulric comes bac from the grave and tries to kill them because when his son’s blood is mixed with the blood of Ulric’s enemies daughter’s (LOL) He was become a unbeatable monster! obviously they win and Bramben and Glistka will fall in love!! oh and the monster that ran for her is like a servant but Ulric also needs the blood of the monster to make a sacrifice to the demons before he mixes the blood and becomes the evil thing!
What? Kaio (or whatever your name is) why did you say that? you shouldnt have answered if you felt that because its something ive worked HARD on! i cried when you told me that-im looking for CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM.
and thanks for everyone who told me what makes it better. But i guess its too "complicated" this is everything in my head! my dreams, my fantasies this means EVERYTHING to me! i guess im not ready for criticism though- because as i write this tears are rolling down my face. Im no JK rowling! i only mentioned white snow twice!! There’s just one question… is it really THAT bad…?
Too complicated, to be honest I couldn’t be bothered to read it.
Kaio | Nov 14, 2009
It’s really good so far, at least the beginning. I like how you showed her movements a feelings so smoothly. Very good description.
blueanimals82 | Nov 14, 2009
I absolutely LOVE wolves!!! I also hope to be a writer, so keep on working on it!
nony061 | Nov 14, 2009
Dang honey, you got skittles (skills). You book sounds really good, I’d buy it. You have nothing to worry about.
Lautnerlover(TSL) | Nov 14, 2009
I agree with Kaio.
Kind of.
Your plot is really, really complicated. If I were you, I’d take the KISS(keep it simple, stupid) approach.
I also like the "Less is more" approach. We understand it is snowing. We got that snow is white. We understand that the snow is falling. You’ve managed to tell me that it is cold and snowing in nearly every other sentence. It gets boring. That’s kind of like writing a persuasive essay, stating your thesis every other sentence. It’s pointless, and the reader gets it.
That being said, you are obviously are very skilled at writing and have an amazing amount of imagination.
PS: What does being 14 have to do with anything?
Darth Amyus | Nov 14, 2009
amazing, good deception, good idea, i would actually consider buying that if it ever gets published
nick k | Nov 14, 2009
its good but really confusing, but i understand what going on, kinda. can you look at mine?
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index; _ylt=AqaBFmW6W2XF_YhgOt7mr1fsy6IX;_ylv=3 ?qid=20091111173946AAheaTw
Kaylen | Nov 14, 2009
1st criticism: In the first sentence, you use the word shadow twice. This is "repetetive" and you don’t want to do this in the same sentence, or in the same paragraph, for that matter.
2nd criticism: In your "blurb" (or plot) you mention Glistka can’t run home because the snow’s too think. I think you meant to say "the snow’s too thick", and although I know this is just your plot to explain the story to us, I think you should take a little more notice to your spelling, as well as your punctuation. I know you probably don’t always write this way (not capitalizing "I", not using the apostraphe, etc.), but I think if you are asking for opinions on your writing skills, you should use proper grammar.
Other than that, your story is great!!!
Good luck, and try not to give too much of your story details away until you’ve actually gotten an ISBN (International Standard Book Number).
PS: Keep up the good work. In this day and age, it’s rare to see such a young person sharing such talents. I have a hunch your one of the winners!
PiscesPassion | Nov 14, 2009
To be honest mate, it seems as if your trying TOO hard…
You go into to much detail on things that do not require it… Don’t get me wrong, I think you are a very natural writer, and you should carry on working at it, but take all criticism on the chin and learn from it…
…Tom…
Tom | Nov 14, 2009
I am sorry to say, but I gave up after the first paragraph. Are you confident on when you are writing this – you seem to jump back and forth from past and present tense far too much that it’s not encouraging. Also, you’ve used the word shadow twice in one line: using a word such as this more than once can lead to the text becoming repetitive and somewhat frustrating.
Keep trying though
Experiment 2061A | Nov 14, 2009
First of all wow I really do like this and i really want to read more ;] Secondly i am also your age and writing.
OKay i think your getting a bit offended by people who leave negative comments but this happened to me this first time i put my story on YA and I just accept it because not everyone can like and as for the criticism I really make most use of it because it will help you.
Firstly you should break the story down into smaller chunks to make it easier for the reader to read. Here’s an example.
Sly silhouettes crept in the shadow; the last light of day casting an obscured shadow of the flat surface of a rock. One of the animals lifted her nose and took a sniff at the air, her sigh sending a cloud of smoky mist up towards he sky.
"We should go back now," The wolf’s whisper danced on the breeze and another swirl of white mist escaped from her mouth.
The other wolf nodded and both shadows slunk back into the trees.
The blanket of snow crunched under-paw and flakes of white drifted down from the branches of the canopy above. A clump of snow fell on the wolf’s red muzzle.
End of example
And no it isn’t bad at all you just need to clean it up a little bit. I would go and sit down and work out your your whole story so you know what happens in each chapter and you know everything about the characters. Thats what i’m doing and it’s makes it easier to put thoughts down onto paper.
I would say your description is amazing and that is what I like most about your story. Actually I like your plot as well.
If you need anymore advice feel free to add me as your contact
Pagal | Nov 15, 2009
What you have written so far is very good and I don’t know where you get the idea from that it isn’t. It is very descriptive, it moves along well and if the rest of your writing is like this then it will flow well and be very readable. Don’t get disheartened by negative criticism because however good you are there is always someone who will put you down. Carry on writing this piece and I for one like it a lot. Good luck with it and always remember the more you do something the better and easier it gets.
BRIAN | Nov 17, 2009
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